Natural body brace

"Worth more than a farm" says a customer of this ancient-looking device.

Be warned that any medical breakthrough that "Replaces and supports misplaced internal organs", "brings pep" and "reduces enlarged abdomen" -all at at the same time- cannot be good for you.

"Body brace", 1917
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Meat? Really?

If there was ever a sillier name for a trade organisation, the "America Meat Institute" -sponsor of this ad- takes the cake.

Also silly is the claim that luncheon meat is goodness in a can... 12 hearty, tasty ounces of it.

The reality is that packed meat is actually high in salt and cholesterol, it is manufactured from the unsaleable bits and bobs that nobody wants to eat, and is considered an emergency erzats for when you can't actually eat real meat.

"Meat", 1947
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Glow in the dark bottle

A small ad for the legendary bottle of "glow in the dark paint".

Guessing at the malevolent chemical responsible for the glow - the words "latest scientific discovery" point at a weak radium solution. But it could be a white phosphorus compound.

Radioactive or poisonous - back in 1931 those were minor details when selling a product.

"Luminous paint", 1931
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Radium, anyone?

"Radium Rays", 1923
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Using the "potency of radium" to eradicate facial birthmarks would qualify as one of the most dangerous uses of radioactivity. More so complicated by the fact that -back in 1923- nobody really knew much about the links between radiological contamination and malignant cancers.

This newsclip hurts just by looking at it.

The puff chart

Cigarette manufacturers have claimed ridiculous statements, but nothing like the "puff chart" - that shows you that you are "always ahead". According to this piece, the product is better because it "makes the smoke travel further and makes it mild".

Amazing. And it guards against throat-scratch too!

"Always ahead", 1949
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This wonderful substance

For the best part of the 20th century, asbestos was regarded as an almost "mythical" friend of Industrialisation - fireproof and waterproof, asbestos could be spun into cloth, or compressed into tiles, bricks and whatever else you could think of.

As the ad says "this wonderful substance brings safety..." - until the late 20th century - when asbestos was found to cause a very deadly, very painful form of lung cancer. Ouch.

"Asbestos", 1917

New Year's resolution

Things were different in 1939. Back then, a New Year's resolution was to smoke a specific brand of cigarettes, not to quit smoking altogether.

"New Year's", 1939

Think of all those resolutions that would end up in your death!

Happy 2011 from the Mad Ad Men team, and we will see you next year.

Stretch out

How about gaining a few extra inches in height?

This medieval-looking gadget promises to "remake and rejuvenate" your body, improve your circulation, and give you a "normal spine".

And it's the "most important health invention of the century". Unbelievable!

"Your spine", 1917
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Washing isotopes

More atomic madness in the 1950's.

Take a load of clothes, get them dirty with radioactive isotopes, use some washing machines to get the dirt out and test with a Geiger counter.

"Our washing machines remove radioactivity better than your washing machines".

"Atomic laundry", 1954
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Are you sure this is safe (4)

Any tan lamp that claims to be 4 times as powerful as the summer sun is not good for you.

This model works with a carbon-arc, which discharges a very high level of ultraviolet light -a malignant melanoma (skin cancer) would be one of the after-effects of indulging in this healthy machine.

The photo of the guy "sunbathing" with dark goggles says it all.

Dangerous stuff.

"Health tan", 1938
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More uranium riches

Reading our stack of old magazines we learn that the uranium prospecting madness peaked around 1955 and died out over the next year. Maybe after hundreds of eager prospectors threw their money away and got nothing in return.

Like in many other boom and bust scenarios, word spreads quickly when things don't turn out as advertised.

Here's one advertisement promising riches on the uranium bonanza. Yeah, right.

"Find uranium", 1955
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And here's another one -located in the opposite page of the same magazine. At least this ad promises the reader a money saving kit.

"Uranium geiger kit", 1955
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Glowing in the wind

The fifties were full of images of supersonic, futuristic and atomic regalia. Among all the fads and other ephemeral interests - who would have thought that amateur uranium hunting was so popular in the 1950's in the good old U.S.A?

This piece with "transistorized uranium finders" and "government cash bonuses" says it all - you buy amateur equipment, you stumble upon a rich uranium ore field and then you cash in the government bonus - easy.

It does not say anything at all about the nasty stuff; the fruitless weeks of rambling around the country waving a Geiger detector, the radiation poisoning or the long-term risk of leukemia.

Here's your chance to shine. Literally speaking.

"Uranium hunters", 1955
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All you want

Ironically, the following piece is an advertisement for toothpaste, not tobacco products.

It invites the reader to smoke all they want, with the understanding that any stains in your teeth will be wiped off by using the product. And you will also get a fresh and minty breath.

"All you want", 1949
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Tooth decay and the importance of brushing after meals only get a passing mention at the bottom of the copy, with the wording "It's mainly up to you". Nice.

Not a single one

You gotta love those people in the tobacco advertising industry. The claims on behalf of their products are almost legendary.

Take this one for instance. Not a single case of throat irritation. No sir. Not one. The specialists could not find *one single case* among all the people they examined.

Which, according to the ad, was in the order of 2470 weekly throat examinations. Wow.

How many doctors did they have on payroll?

"Not a single case", 1949
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Black meets White

Long before Michael Jackson did the racially wrong change -or was it a skin disease?- from black to not-quite-white, there was plenty of ads like this one,

"Skin tone cream", 1959
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A quick check on Wikipedia for the Miracle-Action ingredient, Hydroquinone, reveals the sombre reality -products containing it have been banned for several years as potential carcinogens. 


Now you know. Fifty years too late.


Still today in some places, like India, it is socially ok to bleach your skin with hydroquinone. Even if you get cancer later.

Spring is in the air

Another lovely anachronism from the golden era of tobacco advertisement.


A refreshing air-conditioned cigarette. And all the weasel-words are there, along with the self-aggrandising and dubious claims, and the empty comparisons.

"Tastes delicious", 1960
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But it cannot be THAT delicious. C'mon, it doesn't taste like chicken!

Making Homer proud

Sixty years ago, beer was advertised as the drink of choice for the discerning man.

"Beverage of Moderation", 1948
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Now you know. Beer is America's Beverage of Moderation.

Homer Simpson would be crying in joy at Moe's Tavern.

Doctors can be wrong

A doctor's recommendation can be very useful in advertising. Even for a product like cigarettes, with no known beneficial effects.

"Less Irritating", 1946
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Every case of irritation is cleared up. Or improved.
The medical authorities know this brand is good. Trust them. Smoke more.

Constipation kills

No shit kills. Serious.

"Constipation", 1924
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Love that ending - "BLAME YOURSELF if this message does not bring you Strength, Health and Happiness".

What a beautiful nose

Before plastic surgery, people used all kinds of wacky and painful treatments to get rid of their flaws. A big proportion of these were just scams and outright quacks.

"Your nose beautified", 1930
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And in the spirit of correctness and equality, we also found the male version of this contraption.

"A better looking nose", 1930
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Just think of their antics trying to take off the harnesses before a passionate kiss!

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"Bow legs", 1930
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Bow legs? Don't treat them. Just create the illusion that your legs are straight.